New days...new times

So much has changed again. I have a new home. Starting a new Bible Study tonight which I am really excited for!

Just all seems so strange to have new things happening again.

Joel is doing a medical study starting next weekend for the next 4 weekends! Which means very limited time with my Joely. Also means Jenny will be feeling lonely and sad without quality time with her bestest friend. It's all for good reasons. He will reap many benefits for participating in the study so in the end it should all work out just great.

This Saturday we are planning on having a wonderful full day date. Saturday late morning/early afternoon we are planning to go to an apple orchard. I love FALL!! Then hopefully a Saturday cat nap followed with some afternoon apple crisp.

I work from 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. for Showcase of Talent so we will have a small break.

Then it's off to Chipotle for some late dinner before we head to a movie!

I am beyond excited. More than many things in this world I love time with my Joely. We don't do formalized dates very often, in order to save on money, so this is a special treat.

I realized the other day I still have pictures on my camera from the summer...here are some of them.

Ummm...

How do you find the balance between being selfish and needs being fulfilled?

I can never tell...am I being selfish or is this a legitimate need? I feel frustrated. I don't need the world on a silver platter that's for sure. Actually, I would never want it. It would be nice however to receive an act of service, phone call, note, present or something without having to ask for it...or say I feel "unloved." Love is not about keeping a tally of who does what..when. Sometimes however I get exhausted doing things for someone else and nothing in return. At the most I ask for a listening ear...reciprocation. Saying all of this now makes me feel like a selfish, ungrateful, unloving person.

I don't have it figured out. I'm not good at this. People say it's not about us but God working through us. I don't know how to do that! Is there a manual or something?

I guess I should probably not give if I'm expecting something in return. It all comes back to my own intentions and actions. Why am I doing what I'm doing? And believe me I fail others all the time...I'm sorry.

I don't want to wear the pants. I want to be a woman but frankly that sucks...and it's really hard to do sometimes. Be giving, caring, loving and ask for nothing in return but don't get walked on. What is that about? Sometimes I just want to quit this woman stuff.

How are the men going to understand if I don't even understand?

Moving...is hard to do

Well, it's official. Last night Christa Ruth helped me hang up my curtains in my room. My room is complete. Pictures and all. I love it! Nice and cozy. Christa called it the Queen's room or something to that nature. I'll have to take some pics of our new place and post them.

It's nice to have a place called home. The biggest thing that gives me comfort is my room. All I ever need is a little space of my own to feel safe and comforted. Today it struck me how lost I would feel without a home. I can't imagine loosing my home, or being homeless. I thank God that he provides the means for me to have a place to live. Winter is around the corner which is the worst time to be without a home. I might have to research what I can do to help out with that.

Last Saturday Joel and I volunteered with our church at a mini-clinic in the trailer park. We were in charge of Height & Weight...let's just say Joel did height and I did the weight. It was a great experiences. Really opened my eyes..and I know Joel's' too...to the darkness that covers the trailer park by our church. So many people getting into trouble for lack of other things to do. A man named Tommy came to visit...he had been evicted from the trailer park the day before but was still hanging around. Tommy was an emotional roller coaster. He was so full of alcohol I can't imagine what his insides look like. It was one of the hardest things I've seen someone do to them self. What do you do in a situation like that?

There isn't much to say or do. Mike (our pastor) talked to Tommy the entire day of the clinic. Tried to be helpful, be a listening ear but also strong in that Tommy needs to make changes in his life or he will die...very soon.

Well I better get moving...class got pushed to tonight from last night! I didn't have much homework due so that was exciting! I love this class so I want to soak as much of it up as possible.