Life lately...

I haven't written in a long time. I have wanted to but it seems like I can never log in or when I do it's off to do something else.

In September or so I purchased the most expensive item (besides my car) that I have ever bought! A new camera...I love taking pictures and wanted something that could do more than my Canon. Which I do love but wanted more zoom and options. I ended up getting the newest Olympus camera. It's so much fun! Here are some pics from the new camera...that I love.

New days...new times

So much has changed again. I have a new home. Starting a new Bible Study tonight which I am really excited for!

Just all seems so strange to have new things happening again.

Joel is doing a medical study starting next weekend for the next 4 weekends! Which means very limited time with my Joely. Also means Jenny will be feeling lonely and sad without quality time with her bestest friend. It's all for good reasons. He will reap many benefits for participating in the study so in the end it should all work out just great.

This Saturday we are planning on having a wonderful full day date. Saturday late morning/early afternoon we are planning to go to an apple orchard. I love FALL!! Then hopefully a Saturday cat nap followed with some afternoon apple crisp.

I work from 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. for Showcase of Talent so we will have a small break.

Then it's off to Chipotle for some late dinner before we head to a movie!

I am beyond excited. More than many things in this world I love time with my Joely. We don't do formalized dates very often, in order to save on money, so this is a special treat.

I realized the other day I still have pictures on my camera from the summer...here are some of them.

Ummm...

How do you find the balance between being selfish and needs being fulfilled?

I can never tell...am I being selfish or is this a legitimate need? I feel frustrated. I don't need the world on a silver platter that's for sure. Actually, I would never want it. It would be nice however to receive an act of service, phone call, note, present or something without having to ask for it...or say I feel "unloved." Love is not about keeping a tally of who does what..when. Sometimes however I get exhausted doing things for someone else and nothing in return. At the most I ask for a listening ear...reciprocation. Saying all of this now makes me feel like a selfish, ungrateful, unloving person.

I don't have it figured out. I'm not good at this. People say it's not about us but God working through us. I don't know how to do that! Is there a manual or something?

I guess I should probably not give if I'm expecting something in return. It all comes back to my own intentions and actions. Why am I doing what I'm doing? And believe me I fail others all the time...I'm sorry.

I don't want to wear the pants. I want to be a woman but frankly that sucks...and it's really hard to do sometimes. Be giving, caring, loving and ask for nothing in return but don't get walked on. What is that about? Sometimes I just want to quit this woman stuff.

How are the men going to understand if I don't even understand?

Moving...is hard to do

Well, it's official. Last night Christa Ruth helped me hang up my curtains in my room. My room is complete. Pictures and all. I love it! Nice and cozy. Christa called it the Queen's room or something to that nature. I'll have to take some pics of our new place and post them.

It's nice to have a place called home. The biggest thing that gives me comfort is my room. All I ever need is a little space of my own to feel safe and comforted. Today it struck me how lost I would feel without a home. I can't imagine loosing my home, or being homeless. I thank God that he provides the means for me to have a place to live. Winter is around the corner which is the worst time to be without a home. I might have to research what I can do to help out with that.

Last Saturday Joel and I volunteered with our church at a mini-clinic in the trailer park. We were in charge of Height & Weight...let's just say Joel did height and I did the weight. It was a great experiences. Really opened my eyes..and I know Joel's' too...to the darkness that covers the trailer park by our church. So many people getting into trouble for lack of other things to do. A man named Tommy came to visit...he had been evicted from the trailer park the day before but was still hanging around. Tommy was an emotional roller coaster. He was so full of alcohol I can't imagine what his insides look like. It was one of the hardest things I've seen someone do to them self. What do you do in a situation like that?

There isn't much to say or do. Mike (our pastor) talked to Tommy the entire day of the clinic. Tried to be helpful, be a listening ear but also strong in that Tommy needs to make changes in his life or he will die...very soon.

Well I better get moving...class got pushed to tonight from last night! I didn't have much homework due so that was exciting! I love this class so I want to soak as much of it up as possible.

Aunt Becky

Monday, September 29th marks the one year death anniversary of Aunt Becky. It seems like yesterday but also like a year ago that we watched her leave this place. I miss her! I can still here her voice...I'm thankful for that. Love you Becka Lou...hope you are running around!

Stef told Pappy that it wasn't fair that he would see you walk before we did...I agree.

A dog named Bruce

As many of you may know I have really wanted "my dog named Bruce"...I've been craving to have him lately. But as I've been kindly reminded by my dear man Joely...is that I can't have a dog yet. Which is true...Cali and I our new apartment building doesn't allow dogs. Which I kind of wish it did because Cali would love to have Bruce live with us. When Mr.Joel marries me...then he says I can have Bruce. Believe me...I'm holding him to it!

This pictures is of Joel and Cotton. Cotton is my dad's neighbor dog. He comes to visit his friend Shiloh (which is my dad's third daughter...female beagle)! Cotton loves Shiloh. Joel and Cotton look like they are having a very deep conversation!

State Fair with my Koops

A portion of the Koopman clan went to the State Fair this summer. Here are some of our fun pictures!

Pictures that I love

Here are some pictures of life lately...that have become some of my favorites!

Life recently...

Today I accidentally ran over a baby chipmunk while leaving work to go home for a quick lunch. I felt awful for squishing that poor little guy. I called Joel right away and started bawling telling him I was a murderer. He was sadly giggling...he felt bad but was laughing that I was so upset. It was okay that he was giggling...I know I sounded crazy. It made me realize that that time of the month is right around the corner...when the small things are making a HUGE difference in my emotions.

Cali and I can start moving today to our new place. Which has been quite the experience...someone was murdered at our new place two weekends ago! So Hecktar and Habeeb (Cali & Jenny) will be protecting one another...and purchasing bottles of mase for the next 9 months. I know we will be okay...God is in control and will use our lives for His work and glory. I pray that He protects us...and draws us to Him as we rely on what He has in store.

I started a new class last Wednesday and I LOVE it! Effective Communication & Leadership is the class and right up my alley! I am CONSTANTLY trying to find more effective way to communicate. It amazes me how I think I have established a good level of communication with someone or a group of people and then something happens where they don't understand what I'm saying and I'm left frustrated and baffled! The professor for this class is lively and very fun. He teaches in a way that is very effective for my learning style. The hours went by so quickly that I didn't even look at the clock once!

Joel's dad is going to be in town tonight so the three of us are going to dinner. The boys want to go to their favorite "Famous Dave's" so meat & potatoes it is! I'm excited to see Mike...he's a strong, comforting and affirming man. Joel gets so excited to see his dad...which makes me really happy. I'm giving Papa Mike a present tonight...something I found on clearance. I know Amy would approve :-)

Oh I almost forgot the most exciting part! I bought a new camera...and Olympus ES520. It is a wonderful camera and I got a great deal. If only I knew how to use perfectly right away. It's time to learn something new again. So I'll be experimenting with that!

I've really been wanting a dog lately. To hug, play and cuddle with a basset hound would be wonderful! When I get my dear dog someday...I will name him Bruce.

Welp, I'm off to fill out my FAFSA so that I can get loan information...so I can continue to pay for this program!

Neck

Why in the world is it that my neck decides to get so stiff and full of pain? My job is sitting at a desk all day long but it is SO horrible for my body. I am only 24 years old dang it! I should not be this old of a creaky lady yet! This is terrible. Oh if I only knew how to get rid of this pain permanently....

I love my Joely

I love this man so much. He is my protector, caregiver, best friend, laughing partner, and love of my life. God new exactly what I wanted when He brought Joel into my life. I am going to stink at times showing Joel how much I respect and love him but I am going to try my very best.

Joely I love you. Most of all I respect who you are and how hard you work in all things.

Love,

Your little lady

Customer Service

I am not cut out for this...whole customer service thing. Sometimes I really wonder what in the world am I doing working at a job that's primary skill is customer service when I stink at it! I really do...people can be so rude, awkward, loud, mean, hyper, talkative and I can't handle it. I get so tense talking to people on the phone...it makes me really cranky, grit my teeth, stomach churning, I become feeling shy. I don't think customer service is my fortay...but I'm also not sure what is?

A word to those ordering any sort of service of product...be nice to the person on the other end of the phone. If you don't like talking to them...they are not going to like talking to you. I have had very few great experiences on the phone at work. Some people (usually always women) have asked if they could pray for me by name...and asked for my name. I've had some people pray for me right there over the phone. Others have said that I do a great job and appreciate what I do. It makes the biggest difference!

I guess that's why we can't put our feelings and faith in other people...they will let us down. God calls us to be servants even to complete strangers....that is really HARD. I need His help.

Florida is the land of Magic

Florida...

I went and visited Amy (Joel's sister) in Florida the first week of July. Amy works for the wonderful world of Disney so she was my very own tour guide! She got me in for free and taught me everything I know about Disney. I had never been to Disney World before...my family always goes to Colorado on vacation. Here are some pictures from my amazing time with my dear friend almost sister (as we like to say) Amy. She convinced me that I could consider living in Florida...I love it!

Moving...

I've decided moving is for the birds...literally. It is so exhausting to be moving all the time. I thought I would be living where I am for another year but I don't think that will be the case. It's time for Cali and I to decide what to do next for living situations and it's no fun!

As tiring as moving is...the one part I look forward to is a fun new place to decorate!

I know it will all work out for the best. It just tires me out to think of moving again. If I am counting correctly I have moved 18 times in my life! I might have missed a couple of times. And I'm sure I will move even more times after this...

Where will I live next?

Contentment

For the Bible Study that I am in we decided for the summer to take one main thing in our lives and pray for it continuesly. I decided on contentment. Contentment is very difficult for me. There were years that I thought I was content but I think I had the wrong defintion of the word. Through my prayers and struggle with contentment, conversation with softball ladies and family I realized something about all of us.

If we are a kid we want to be a teenager...
If we are a teenager we want to be an adult...
If we are an adult we want to be retired...
If we are single we want to be engaged...
If we are engaged we want to be married...
If we are married we want to have kids...
If we have kids we are ready for them to move out...
If they move out we want them back...
If we have a car we want a truck...
If we have bread we want jelly...
If we have bread & jelly we want peanut butter...

We always...always want more...
Why can't we be okay or even happy with where we are? This is so difficult for me. Why is it so hard...my life is not hard...not hard compared to so many other people in this world. I need to be content. Help me Lord to be content.

Here we go...

I have been avoiding starting this blog...not sure why. Probably because I am afraid of what I might write...maybe make a mistake or say something I shouldn't.

First topic: You are not a social person.

I was told this weekend that I am anti-social or can be...I was really hurt. And almost bitter. Okay, I was bitter. Then I had to take a deep breath and figure out why I was so upset. I am upset because deep down that is one of my constant ever nagging fears. Is what people think of me, that they have summed me up in a moment. I let my fear of what others think control my time with other people...it's easier to hide from people than to try and face them and my thoughts of what they might think of me. Ridiculous I know but it is how I've let myself be lied to.

My anti-social...running away...is something that I do not want to face or work on but I know it's the only way I can try to change. I pray for grace...to change.

Also through this comment of hearing that I am anti-social that it is really hard for me to accept when people are honest with me. I do not want to hear that. And I am going to be hurt and play the victim...because I am the victim you have called me something that I am and I am hurt! Once again...ridiculous. I hate this human thing sometimes. Nothing sounds better sometimes than wanting to give up. Throw in the towel and quite at being human. Is that possible? Does God have a get out of humanness card? I wish.

Learning the yucky, black things about yourself is never fun. I really do not like these times...it makes my stomach churn and feel yucky, gives me a headache and makes me plain ole' crabby. I am not called to be these things. I pray that I could be a better example of what Christ actually calls us to be.

I wonder if anyone else in this world really feels as ridiculous and emotional as I do? A lot of times I think it's completely impossible for anyone to be as emotional as I am.